Tuesday, 31 December 2019

through
Georgia O'Keefe's skull
the desert

Comment by Fay Aoyagi:
The last line is too close to the rest.   

Georgia O'Keefe's skull
I miss the warmth
of my old cat


Well...   I know this is not what you intend to write.    I tried to come up with a feeling of 'desert' or its withered feeling...   :<
****

My revisions:

through
          Georgia
                     O'Keefe's
                                   skull
                                          infinity...
****

Georgia O'Keefe's skull
staring up
at vapour trails


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on the pavement a beggar outside Tesco  avoiding eye contact